On the balance of power and intimacy in gatherings, and leveraging different parts of yourself: <\/strong> <\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I think back to my 20’s \u2013 I went into industrial supply distribution and found myself as the youngest and only woman manager in a development program. I noticed over time, everything about me \u2013 the cadence of my voice, the way I shape sentences \u2013 started sounding like the men that surrounded me. I literally gave myself an ulcer not being my true self. I moved past that phase in my 30’s. I really leaned into personal brand, if you will. That was a completely foreign concept to me. Every one of us has a personal brand, a promise we make to ourselves and share with the world. And mine at the time had a lot to do with karaoke, and wearing floral dresses and heels, and I really chose to embrace that. And I will say though, in my 30’s, I felt like I occasionally paid a tax for that. People might make assumptions because of how we present, and what their perceptions might be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I spoke at an industry event a few years ago, and I was introduced as the \u201ceffervescent emcee\u201d. And I was like, alright, I\u2019m not mad about being compared to a glass of champagne. What\u2019s not to love about that? But in fact, I was there to moderate a really tricky subject, with 5 women mayors, talking about place making and affordability. What I knew when I left that day was I was effervescent, sure. But I got to lead a discussion that was substantive, that was thoughtful, and I knew that when I left the room people might say more than just effervescent.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“But I wasn\u2019t comfortable with that at first. I felt underestimated. That used to make me grouchy. Now I\u2019m like, yeah, I am GOING to prove you wrong and enjoy every minute of it.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“When I go to a beautiful space like this, I know that you have engineered serendipity. This room is filled with amazing people, and they all have a story. So I find I would much rather have a deep conversation with three people over an hour than have a quick handshake and look at the name tag and employer with 50 people.<\/p>\n\n\n\n “So that\u2019s the first piece for me, is that curiosity and connection. And the second piece is I have built my entire career by just playing in traffic. History major, goes into industrial supplies, I\u2019ve done executive search, I even worked for the government \u2013 and no one is more shocked than me that I ever did that. But I\u2019ve been so lucky to have friends tap me on the shoulder and say hey, do you want to join this team? Stuff that was wildly outside of my consideration set, stuff that I didn\u2019t even know was a thing. And I said yes instead of saying no. And I feel that has blessed me with a deep and rich and diverse network.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n “The thing that has always terrified me about being a formal mentor is I don\u2019t want to fail them. So as a mentee what I have done is put very specific guardrails around an ask to make it really easy to say yes. When I was in grad school, a woman who I deeply admired, Phyllis Campbell \u2013 she was running the Seattle Foundation at the time and is with JP Morgan Chase now \u2013 was speaking in my class about nonprofit management. I was fan-girling all over the place. But instead of saying, \u201cOh Phyllis, will you be my mentor?\u201d I\u2019m said, \u201cHey Phyllis, I\u2019d love to buy you a cup of coffee and talk to you about the skills you\u2019re looking for in a development professional.\u201d Very very specific, 20 minutes of your time. She\u2019s like, you\u2019re a student, you\u2019re broke, I will buy the coffee, you\u2019re on. And now I check in with her every time I change careers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n “And then in that conversation, one thing I do is ask a lot of questions. I really believe that you have the answers within. If you flip a coin to decide if you\u2019re going to order sushi or Thai food, you know what I think is the most powerful thing? How do you feel about the way the coin flipped? You already knew what you wanted, right? The quarter is just the forcing function. I try to be the quarter. As a mentor, let me just ask you thoughtful, informed questions, and get people to arrive at their own conclusions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n “And a good mentee is not somebody who takes your advice. In fact, great mentees ask for all the perspectives they can, and then your job is to pick which 95 percent of that advice you\u2019re going to ignore. Maybe 5 percent works for you. That\u2019s your job, as a great mentee, and mentors have got to get over themselves when people don\u2019t take their advice. That\u2019s not your job as a mentor.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n “Parenting for me has had so many gifts, and one of them is clarity. Being a parent doesn\u2019t make things easier, but clarity makes the hard things possible. So I am crystal clear on what my priorities are. When I think about volunteer opportunities, community events, what have you, I have a very aggressive filter for what I say yes to. Number 1, I have to be able to contribute something that is unique. Number 2, I want to learn something valuable. Number 3, it has to align with my values, or it\u2019s a hard no. And, P.S., it has to be at least as interesting as my day job or better than sleep, because I am not compromising on my time with Madeline. That is a non-negotiable. And so this filter has been super helpful.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n
On networking, in a way that doesn\u2019t feel transactional:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
On the secret sauce of mentorship:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
On parenting, balance, boundaries, and the setting and re-setting of priorities:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
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